I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
