do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
