Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
