The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
