Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
