God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
