you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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