I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
