Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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