You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
