This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
