In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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