i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
