she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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