Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
