They should really pass out barf bags in church
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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