I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
