found the other keg... it's in the tree
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
