Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
