I wish I could punch you in the face.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
