i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
