God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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