i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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