I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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