He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
