So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
