I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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