Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We need to rekindle our bromance
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
