69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
