i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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