I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
