too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
