Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
