somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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