I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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