he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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