I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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