Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the liver wants what the liver wants
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
