Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
