mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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