i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
