Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
