i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
