Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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