my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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