I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
