there was a trapeze. enough said
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
