At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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