I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
