he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
