I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
