Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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