I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Quick, to the slutcave!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dignity is for republicans.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
