Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
